Wednesday, December 31, 2008

"That's just the surface manifestation of the enormous amount of heat that's being released through the system,"

"Volcanologists may or may not be the worst scientists in the world at making predictions, but they are without question the worst in the world at realizing how bad their predictions are." Bill Bryson in A Short History of Nearly Everything

From Although visitors to Yellowstone National Park in the immediate future may never experience such events, some hazardous events are certain to occur in the future. However, Yellowstone Volcanic Observatory scientists are monitoring volcanic activity in the region in an effort to alert the public well in advance of any major volcanic eruptions, to ensure public safety.

From The Associated Press:A park ranger based at the north end of the lake reported feeling nine quakes over a 24-hour period over the weekend, according to park spokeswoman Stacy Vallie. No damage was reported.
"There doesn't seem to be anything to be alarmed about," Vallie said.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Judge Dread

I often complain that the Republocrats and the Demublicans are two wings of the same party, but the next appointment to the Supreme Court is one that will most likely reveal some legitimate party differences. A few weeks ago I suspected that Mrs. Clinton would be the most likely to get the job, but it seems she's willing to brave the gunfire traveling around the world as Secretary of State.
There's no doubt that the next Supreme will be female. I doubt that she, whoever it is, will have had to put up with the same sexism that Sandra Day O'Connor did back in the conservative golden age of the 1950s. A quick review of Wikipedia shows that O'Connor graduated toward the top of her Stanford law class (and at one point dated class valedictorian William Rehnquist) but no law firm in California would hire her, although one firm offered her the opportunity to be a legal secretary. Young Ms. O'Connor had no choice but to turn to working for the government.

Economy is in the toilet

Maybe John McCain's explanation of the looming recession as being "psychological" back during the primaries wasn't too far fetched.
Thirty five years ago today, congressman Harold Froelich claimed that the federal government was falling behind in getting bids to supply toilet paper and "The United States may face a serious shortage of toilet tissue within a few months".
Johnny Carson repeated the claim in his monologue: "You know what's disappearing from the supermarket shelves? Toilet paper. There's an acute shortage of toilet paper in the United States." By noon the next day, most stores were out of toilet paper. Carson apologized for scaring the public, and retracted his quote. The full story is available from

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Your Liberal Marching Orders for the WAR ON CHRISTMAS

Four years ago I would listen to Morning Sedition on the way to work. Occasionally co-host Marc Maron would sign off by reading a fax sent from the Streisand compound with the day's Liberal Agenda. I've revised a few of his old items so that they fit the needs of today's modern socialist/Democrat.
1. Repeatedly refer to Christmas as "Revive Our Floundering Economy Day."
2. Have hot and nasty age appropriate consensual gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgender physical expressions of unconditional positive regard under the mistletoe.
3. Establish full diplomatic relations with the Island of Misfit Toys without any pre-conditions.
4. At the office Christmas/Hannukah/Solstice/Ramadan/Indigenous People's Day party, prevent drunken co-workers from hooking up by continually talking about global warming and the plight of the people in Zimbabwe.
5. Watch It's A Wonderful Life and imagine what the world would be like if George W. Bush had never been elected president. Wait a minute...I mean if all the votes in Florida and Ohio had been counted.
6. Adjust the lights on your neighbors' Christmas displays to read YES WE CAN and CHANGE YOU CAN BELIEVE IN!
7. Make sure that the Baby Jesuses in your local Nativity displays are infants of color.
8. Tell your kids that Obama is their Christmas present.
9. Today's phrase....just drop it in any conversation...."You know what the special ingredient is in egg nog? IT'S MAD COW!!! LOOK IT UP PEOPLE!!! IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP MAN!!!"

Saturday, December 13, 2008


Meine Frau has gone through the kids' books and weeded out all the inappropriate titles. Most were pop culture series: Ricky Ricotta's Mighty Robot, Rugrats, Powerpuff Girls and young adult Star Wars novels have all been bagged and removed from the house. At the top of the list were the many Captain Underpants books, although I suspect my six year old has hidden one or two that escaped my wife's notice.

The Twinkie Defense

Today I had breakfast at Burger King, including Diet Coke, Coke, Cinni-minis and a Whopper Jr. A few days ago I had a chocolate donut for breakfast and Ding Dongs for lunch, all washed down with Diet Pepsi and Coke Zero.
I decided to read up on "The Twinkie Defense," since it's doubtful I'll be able to see the new Sean Penn film MILK anytime soon. I was disappointed to find that the "Twinkie Defense," (arguing that eating too many Hostess products wreaks havoc on the chemical balance in the brain) is an urban legend. A psychiatrist in court contended that junk food consumption was proof of "diminished capacity," not the cause of it, so I guess it doesn't matter what I eat before I start to blog.

Politics as usual

An Illinois governor caught trying to sell a senate seat to the highest bidder. An Alaskan senator (fond of wearing Incredible Hulk ties) guilty of receiving unreported gifts. A New York governor indicted in a ho ho ho scandal. An anti-Gay Republican caught having a wide stance in an airport washroom. A moderately conservative Florida congressman vows to leave no congressional page unturned.

Which party is more corrupt? According to a blog posted on American Thinker, Democrats are 4 times (or 300%) more corrupt than Republicans. The blog relies on data from the National Taxpayers Union compiling convictions of major offenses by members of Congress from 1992-1999.
On the other hand (the one on the left) CREW lists the 20 most corrupt members of Congress and has the Republicans leading 13 to 7. No matter what your party affiliation, your bleeding heart or conservative principles are bound to be broken by a politician at some point.

Sunday, December 7, 2008


Forget Global warming, the real danger of pollution can be found here!

The male gender is in danger, evolution is being distorted by pollution, which damages genitals and the ability to have children according to the latest research being sensationalize in the UK press.
This follows recent American research claiming that baby boys born to women exposed to widespread chemicals in pregnancy are born with smaller penises.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

George Chesbro R.I.P.

I haven't read a Mongo the Magnificent mystery in years. Mongo was a dwarf, former circus performer, PhD (I think in criminology), gymnast, black belt in karate, and hardboiled private eye. I just read that Mongo's creator, George Chesbro, died last week.
I can't remember the titles or much of the plots of the Chesbro books that I read, but what sticks in my mind is that Chesbro's books seemed like guilty pleasures for liberals. The bad guys were crazed fundamentalist millionaires, the Shah of Iran's former body guards, and Stalinists posing as right wing politicians. If an enemy of the United States really wanted to mess this country up, they'd imitate Senator McCarthy or President George W. Bush, not Senator Obama.
Check out Chesbro at Myspace:

Sunday, November 30, 2008

!Es muy Caliente!

Chopping down Christmas trees probably contributes to global warming, but I'll be buying ours this week. What will poor Santa do if the North Pole melts? The new green Mexican film, Navidad S.A. shows us...

Baldness Gap

A couple of months ago, NPR science reporter Robert Krulwich did a cold war analysis on baldness. You can see that the Russians alternate between baldies and hairies even up to this day, with Vladimir Putin (who has even less on top than me) to Dmitri Medvedev (hairy).
The US on the other hand, has had Dwight Eisenhower, who ran against the equally folically challenged Adlai Stevenson, and Gerald Ford. If Ford had gone the route of Joe Biden and received hair plugs back in the early seventies, maybe history would be dramatically different.

Friday, November 28, 2008

The WAR on Xmas starts NOW!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Is Sci Fi dying?

Is science fiction dying, asks Marcus Chown.

If science fiction dies, does that mean that genetic engineering will have eliminated nerdy nearsighted teenage boys and their need for escapist power trips featuring women in skin tight space suits and killer robots being blown up with death rays? I hope not.

Monday, November 10, 2008

The "antidemocratic personality" arising from the "authoritarian syndrome"

Over the last few years I've heard about several studies exploring why liberals and conservatives seem to think differently. One study suggested that conservatives are often happier than liberals. My interpretation wa s that conservatives tend to believe that social success is a result of merit, therefore social inequalities show a lack of hard work or ability, while "bleeding heart" liberals fret over such things.
Another recent article that received attention in the media associated uncertainty and threat management with ideological extremism or extreme forms of conservatism. This followed up an an earlier work that showed people traumatized by 9/11 were likely to become more conservative.
A liberal friend of mine forwarded this abstract to me last year:
Neurocognitive correlates of liberalism and conservatism
David M Amodio
, John T Jost, Sarah L Master & Cindy M Yee
Nature Neuroscience 10, 1246 - 1247 (2007)
Political scientists and psychologists have noted that, on average, conservatives show more structured and persistent cognitive styles, whereas liberals are more responsive to informational complexity, ambiguity and novelty. We tested the hypothesis that these profiles relate to differences in general neurocognitive functioning using event-related potentials, and found that greater liberalism was associated with stronger conflict-related anterior cingulate activity, suggesting greater neurocognitive sensitivity to cues for altering a habitual response pattern.

It turns out a lot of the articles over the past few years exploring differences in liberal/conservative thinking were co-authored by John T. Jost. Check out his webpage at:

REVENGE of the Swamp Thing

The latest in global warming news comes from the journal Nature Geoscience with a study entitled "Global Warming Predicted To Hasten Carbon Release From Peat Bogs." Billions of tons of carbon are sequestered in the world's peat bogs, which may be released into the atmosphere in the coming decades as a result of global warming. Such an atmospheric release of even a small percentage of the carbon locked away in the world's peat bogs would dwarf emissions of manmade carbon, say scientists at Harvard University, Worcester State College, and the Japan Agency for Marine-Earth Science and Technology

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Return of the MUGWUMPS

All Democrats are insane, but not one of them know it; none but the Republicans and Mugwumps know it. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats and Mugwumps can perceive it. - Mark Twain

I was a mugwump. We, the mugwumps, a little company made up of the unenslaved of both parties, the very best men to be found in the two great parties--that was our idea of it--voted sixty thousand strong for Mr. Cleveland in New York and elected him. Our principles were high, and very definite. We were not a party; we had no candidates; we had no axes to grind. Our vote laid upon the man we cast it for no obligation of any kind. By our rule we could not ask for office; we could not accept office. When voting, it was our duty to vote for the best man, regardless of his party name. We had no other creed. Vote for the best man--that was creed enough.- Mark Twain's Autobiography (North American Review, Dec. 21, 1906)

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Marxist Youth Camps!!!

From the office of the President Elect
"Obama will call on citizens of all ages to serve America, by setting a goal that all middle school and high school students do 50 hours of community service a year and by developing a plan so that all college students who conduct 100 hours of community service receive a universal and fully refundable tax credit ensuring that the first $4,000 of their college education is completely free. Obama will encourage retiring Americans to serve by improving programs available for individuals over age 55, while at the same time promoting youth programs such as Youth Build and Head Start."
Conservative bloggers like Gateway Pundit see this as evidence that Obama will brainwash our youth with Marxist ideals and re-institute slavery. Other bloggers are urging their readers to stock up on guns and ammo.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Triumph of the Swill

This morning I searched the Google for videos of Barack Obama's speech in Grant Park to show my class. The first hit was a clip from the Nazi documentary Triumph of the Will.  Next was a rascist rant about Muslims being turned away and something about Obama wanting "more white people" on camera. There was also a right wing rant about the economy, and another racist video about "the Spics" and "Boos." My students ended up not seeing the speech. 

Silver lining

Several conservative blogs have whipped out their "Don't blame me, I voted for McCain" bumperstickers for sale within an hour of McCain's concession. See, Obama's stimulating the economy already!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

What does a socialist sound like?

Sarah Palin, Joe the "Plumber" and GOP loyalists have been accusing Obama of espousing socialism when he says we should spread wealth around through tax cuts for 95% of tax payers and an increase on those earning over $250,000.
Obama isn't a socialist, but check out the Op-Ed by America's only socialist congressman Senator Bernie Sanders. Here's an excerpt:

The current financial crisis facing our country has been caused by the extreme right-wing economic policies pursued by the Bush administration. These policies, which include huge tax breaks for the rich, unfettered free trade and the wholesale deregulation of commerce, have resulted in a massive redistribution of wealth from the middle class to the very wealthy
...Since President Bush has been in office, nearly 6 million Americans have slipped into poverty, median family income for working Americans has declined by more than $2,000, more than 7 million Americans have lost their health insurance, over 4 million have lost their pensions, foreclosures are at an all time high, total consumer debt has more than doubled, and we have a national debt of over $9.7 trillion dollars.While the middle class collapses, the richest people in this country have made out like bandits and have not had it so good since the 1920s. The top 0.1 percent now earn more money than the bottom 50 percent of Americans, and the top 1 percent own more wealth than the bottom 90 percent. The wealthiest 400 people in our country saw their wealth increase by $670 billion while Bush has been president. In the midst of all of this, Bush lowered taxes on the very rich so that they are paying lower income tax rates than teachers, police officers or nurses...This is the most extreme example that I can recall of socialism for the rich and free enterprise for the poor.

If Jesus Ran For President...

Saturday, October 18, 2008

"Jesus was a radical left wing Jew"

Get Everclear's free mp3 Jesus was a Democrat here.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sins of the world

Homosexuality and aids. Abortion, birth control, and sex education. Feminism. Pornography.
 For years the religious right has been obsessed with the naughtiness of sin, concentrating on pelvic issues: the sins of the flesh. Meanwhile, sins of the world run rampant -greed, corruption, abuse of power and all the death, wars, sickness and suffering that result.  Conservatives mock Obama as "The One," a politician who is pompous and self-important, and whose followers are gullible zealots. Such criticisms remind me of President Bush, the former darling of the Religious Right.  Back in May 2003, an evangelist co-worker gushed about this godly man, and how inspiring he was when he descended onto a battleship to declare major combat operations are over in Iraq. What followed afterwards was not so inspiring. While conservatives worry that the sins of the flesh will be tolerated or even promoted by a government with a Democratic president, the moderate voters seem to be bothered by the consequences of the Bush administration's embrace of the sins of the world. 

Monday, October 6, 2008


Today was my first day with my new students with severe disabilities. Later at home I had to try and unclog the sink, which resulted in a lot of stagnant water on the floor and myself. Still, it wasn't as bad as the muck Sarah Palin and John McCain sent Barack Obama's way.
It was Senator McCain who said last January that the "lesson of this election in Iowa is that, one, you can't buy an election in Iowa, and, two, negative campaigns don't work. They don't work there, and they don't work here in New Hampshire." Apparently Senator McCain's campaign thinks negative campaigns will work in the remaining 48 states.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Last Stay At Home Days

Since Friday, June 13th I've been staying at home and getting on my wife's nerves. Tomorrow I go back to being a special education teacher. I'll be working an hour and a half longer each day, pay more for health insurance, commute twice as long and get paid $1,000 less than my previous librarian job, but I will have health insurance starting next month.
I visited my new class of 9 African American teenagers with autism a couple days ago. One young man had to be removed from the room because he was inappropriately touching a female staff member. Another rolled around on the floor for half an hour, and another couldn't tolerate wearing his shirt for about 15 minutes. All this on the day "former Playboy playmate" Jenny McCarthy and actress Amanda Peet' feud over vaccinations suspected role in causing autism made the news.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

The Onion Oracle

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'
January 17, 2001 Issue 37•01
WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

President-elect Bush vows that "together, we can put the triumphs of the recent past behind us."
"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

read the rest of the article:

Monday, September 8, 2008

mad about science part deux

The new French-Swiss supercollider goes into operation this Wednesday.

Rappin' scientists assure us that the device will probably not destroy the Earth.

mad about science 1

Although France has learned to love nuclear power, the Germans aren't so sure. An article in Der Spiegel reveals the the "Asse-II mine," closed in 1964 and converted to an "experimental" nuclear facility in 1967, now officially holds up to 130,000 metal drums of radioactive waste,

" but highly radioactive plutonium had also been dumped in the mine, along with a number of nuclear fuel rods. Radioactivity readings there are at eight times the 'safe' level, some barrels have tipped over and rusted through, and the worry is that saltwater leaking from the mine is not just radioactive but might contaminate public water supplies. The mine has been known to leak brine since 1988. Some experts fear it may collapse altogether by 2014."

Why Have Separation of Church and State?

Fighting Bob fest

Robert Marion La Follette, Sr. nicknamed "Fighting Bob" La Follette (June 14, 1855June 20, 1925) served as a Congressman, 20th Governor of Wisconsin (1901–1906), and REPUBLICAN Senator from Wisconsin (1905-1925). He ran for President in 1924 as a Progressive, carrying Wisconsin and 17% of the national popular vote.

"The underlying reason indeed why both parties have failed to take the people's side in the present crisis is that neither party can openly attack the real evils which are undermining representative government without convicting themselves of treachery to the voters during their recent tenure in office."

"Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely. It is commercial, imperialistic, ruthless. It tolerates no opposition. It is just as arrogant, just as despotic, in London, or in Washington, as in Berlin. The American Jingo is twin to the German Junker.... If there is no sufficient reason for war, the war party will make war on one pretext, then invent another."

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Sarah Palin...on a mission from God

Video of Sarah Palin's sermonizing on how God wants us to drill for oil:


Republicans say Democrat's are exploiting our VP nominee's look how cute they are!

Monday, September 1, 2008

President Bush's Economics Lesson to Elitist Journalists

While I'm on Vacation, here's an old transcript from Roswell New Mexico
For Immediate Release: Office of the Press Secretary January 22, 2004
President's Remarks to the Press Pool Nothin' Fancy Cafe Roswell, New Mexico
11:25 A.M. MST
THE PRESIDENT: I need some ribs.
Q Mr. President, how are you?
THE PRESIDENT: I'm hungry and I'm going to order some ribs.
Q What would you like?
THE PRESIDENT: Whatever you think I'd like.
Q Sir, on homeland security, critics would say you simply haven't spent enough to keep the country secure.
THE PRESIDENT: My job is to secure the homeland and that's exactly what we're going to do. But I'm here to take somebody's order. That would be you, Stretch -- what would you like? Put some of your high-priced money right here to try to help the local economy. You get paid a lot of money, you ought to be buying some food here. It's part of how the economy grows. You've got plenty of money in your pocket, and when you spend it, it drives the economy forward. So what would you like to eat?
Q Right behind you, whatever you order.
THE PRESIDENT: I'm ordering ribs. David, do you need a rib?
Q But Mr. President --
THE PRESIDENT: Stretch, thank you, this is not a press conference. This is my chance to help this lady put some money in her pocket. Let me explain how the economy works. When you spend money to buy food it helps this lady's business. It makes it more likely somebody is going to find work. So instead of asking questions, answer mine: are you going to buy some food?
Q Yes.
THE PRESIDENT: Okay, good. What would you like?
Q Ribs.
THE PRESIDENT: Ribs? Good. Let's order up some ribs.
Q What do you think of the democratic field, sir?
THE PRESIDENT: See, his job is to ask questions, he thinks my job is to answer every question he asks. I'm here to help this restaurant by buying some food. Terry, would you like something?
Q An answer.
Q Can we buy some questions?
THE PRESIDENT: Obviously these people -- they make a lot of money and they're not going to spend much. I'm not saying they're overpaid, they're just not spending any money.
Q Do you think it's all going to come down to national security, sir, this election?
THE PRESIDENT: One of the things David does, he asks a lot of questions, and they're good, generally.
END 11:29 A.M. MST
Return to this article at:

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

McCain's BIGGEST Lie

Last week John McCain and Barack Obama both auditioned at Saddleback mega church for the role of Panderer in Chief.

"In several cases, Obama gave a Christian interpretation to his generally liberal political views. He showed some familiarity with the Scripture, and said Jesus died for his sins.
McCain tended to give shorter, less complex answers."

According to reports on NPR and the Huffington post, the Evangelical audience applauded McCain's answers, while they were polite but less enthusiastic towards OBama.

When the candidates addressed the issue of wealth, no one mentioned a camel passing through the eye of a needle, but Obama did mention raising social security taxes on people earning over $250,000.
Now for McCain's lie....“I don’t want to take any money from the rich." Which I believe is true. Here's the nonsensical part..." I want everybody to get rich,” McCain said.

Monday, August 18, 2008

McCain Vs. Paulsen

Who does a better job speaking out of both sides of his mouth?

Straight Talkin' American Government (STAG) Party

Here's one of the better presidential candidates from the 1960s. If Reagan, Ventura, and Schwarzenegger were qualified for public office, so was Pat Paulsen.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

From the Wall Street Journal:
America the UncompetitiveAugust 15, 2008; Page A14
"The new international tax rankings are out for 2008, and congratulations to Washington, D.C., are again in order. Our political class has managed to maintain America's rank with the second highest corporate tax rate in the world at 39.3% (average combined federal and state).Only Japan is slightly higher overall, though if you are silly enough to base a corporation in California, Iowa, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, or other states with high corporate levies, your tax rate on business income is even higher than in Tokyo..."
(Yet somehow, the Japanese automakers still manage to manufacture more reliable cars than our Big 3. )
"The average European nation has tax rates on corporate income 10 percentage points lower than the U.S., but those countries on average raise 50% more as a share of GDP in corporate taxes than does the U.S., according to a 2007 study by the Treasury Department."
For a minute I was at a loss, thinking maybe it was time to re-evaluate my stance on taxes, but then realized I've lived in Germany and went shopping in France. There's no way Americans pay more in taxes than the citizens of "Old Europe." Do Americans want to pay $3 for a little liter of gas the way they do in Europe? Do American CEOs want to get paid what German CEOs or Japanese CEOS get paid? Does the Wall Street Journal advocate a French style government subsidized health care system? Do they want to raise the top income bracket to 42% like it is in Germany? By all means, let's copy the Europeans.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I know you are, but what am I?

Arkansas Democratic chairman shot at HQ dies
Wed Aug 13, 6:54 PM ET
HOUSTON (Reuters) - The chairman of the Arkansas Democratic Party, Bill Gwatney, died in a hospital after being shot by a lone gunman at the party's headquarters in Little Rock, officials said on Wednesday.

The recent shootings at the UU church and in Arkansas caused many liberals to protest the negativity by the likes of "right wing hate-mongers" and "Republican tools" Rush Limbaugh, Michell Malakin, Sean Hannity, etc.
Bloggers on the right were quick to take offense. One anti-ACLU site's comments described liberals as whining leftwing nutjobs, haters, baby killers, unhinged libtards, and clueless illogical bozos. The illogical, marxist, hate-inspired left is committing "ad hominem" attacks and suffering from paranoid delusions, so stop feeling persecuted you whining anti-American baby killers.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

more Obama-nations

An article appeared in the Wall Street Journal last week entitled "McCain Web Ad Is Accused Of Linking Obama to Antichrist" -and Democrats complained the swift boating of John Kerry was bad!

It says suggestions "that Sen. Obama is the antichrist have been circulating for months in Bible-study meetings in towns like Chillicothe, Ohio, where congregants compare his remarks and his biography with verses from the Bible."

Of course, if Obama really were the anti-christ, Christians SHOULD vote for him to help usher in the rapture and Armageddon, which they believe are all pre-ordained as part of God's plan.

One nay-sayer is the author of the Left Behind series, The Rev. Tim La-Haye (although he collaborated with a holy-ghost writer), who said that he recognized allusions to his work in the ad, but comparisons between Sen. Obama and the anti-christ are incorrect.
"The antichrist isn't going to be an American, so it can't possibly be Obama. The Bible makes it clear he will be from an obscure place, like Romania."

For more holy mud-slinging, check out:

Thursday, August 7, 2008

filth bacteria slime grime sludge hogwash etc.

For the past year, my 3 oldest kids have been trying to discover THE Queen Mother of all dirty words.  The oldest twins heard from their best friend during an after school art program that it starts with the letter F.  
"What's the next letter, daddy?"
"I can't tell you."
"Is it an A?"
"I can't tell you."
"Is it a B?"
"Not ga da it"
"Is it a C...D...E..."
"La la la I can't hear you!"
"Oh Scheisse!"

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

McCain sings on youtube:

Preschool theology

Three years ago my eldest kids went to the local Catholic church for Bible Camp. Every day they would tell me tidbits of cosmic knowledge revealed unto them by the good Church Ladies of St. Michael's. Here is one such exchange...

Annie (age 5): We also learned about God and the things he put in the sky--not bugs and insects--angels and birds and suns and God and all the things God made for us!

David (age 3): Remember when God gave us the water?

Anna: He snapped his fingers and light came. He snapped like this (snap)

Rebecca (age 5): God gave us the people and the water and everything.

Dad (age 44): Did God give us the devil?

Anna: NO!

Dad: Then who gave us the Devil?
Anna: Artists. Artists drew the devil with paint.

Bible quiz #2

I looked out the window this morning and saw our backyard was flooded. A neighbor across the street had a chainsaw and was buzing away at a giant branch that had landed on his minivan and stretched a power or phone line to the street. That got me thinking about Noah...

A. 16
B. 30
C. 90
D. 500


A. Ham's son had stolen a swine.

B. Ham and his son ate pork.

C. Ham was lazy and didn't do as much work as his brothers.

D. Noah got drunk and passed out with his genitals exposed, and Ham accidently saw him.

The correct answer in both questions is d.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Paul Harvey...Good day

Before Rush Limbo or Howard Stern, there was Paul Harvey. According to Wikipedia, he did his first radio broadcast in 1933, and has been doing his news and commentary program since 1944. Harvey hasn't done his new and commentary much recently.Fred Thomson, Paul Harvey Jr. and Mike Huckabee have filled in for him recently. I happened to hear a rare appearance by Harvey a few weeks ago. He talked about a new phase in the life of Paul Harvey (he often refers to himself in the third person). It was like the end of an era, although Harvey's voice is still heard on his program pitching the products he favors.

Harvey always reminded me of my Grandfather, a strong believer in American manifest destiny and cultural superiority. Grandpa had a Goldwater bumpersticker in his barn, a portrait of Ronald Reagan in the kitchen, and told me that George Bush (the elder) wasn't "forceful enough." Grandpa disliked long hair on men, unions, jazz and rock and roll, and anything with a hyphen before the word American. He was also pretty sure that the Soviets were conducting experiments to increase the harshness of American winters, and showed me a newspaper clipping about Russian rocket tests to back up his claim.

On one broadcast in June 2005, Harvey lamented that America has lost the will that drove us to bomb Hiroshima and Nagasaki. "We didn't come this far because we're made of sugar candy. Once upon a time, we elbowed our way onto and across this continent by giving smallpox-infected blankets to Native Americans. That was biological warfare. And we used every other weapon we could get our hands on to grab this land from whomever.And we grew prosperous. And yes, we greased the skids with the sweat of slaves. So it goes with most great nation-states, which--feeling guilty about their savage pasts--eventually civilize themselves out of business and wind up invaded and ultimately dominated by the lean, hungry up-and-coming who are not made of sugar candy."

Although I'll miss him, I hope the time of Paul Harvey's jingoistic world view is drawing to a close.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Thrilling Bible Stories for Kids Quiz Question 1

How did Queen Jezebel die?

A. Thrown out of a window by her eunuchs

B. Trampled to death by horses

C. Eaten by dogs

D. All of the above

Answer: Check out II Kings 9:32-36

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Dyslexic children's letters to Satan

Back when I was employed as a librarian in May, I received 2 dozen letters of apology from a disruptive 2nd grade class. Here are a few samples:

I am Sorry that i was Playing with people paper But I am sorry for runing With Lupe and Maria and Rebecca. You are the Best teacher thank you ok.

I am sorry for daring Govonie to go inside the girls bathroom. Next time I am not going to dare Govonie or dare people to do bad stuff.
Sincerely Lucero

I think you should be more stricted with us. I think you should punish us more. I am sorry for our bevaher in libary today. I think you Should give us harder work to do.




I just read the news about the UU church in Knoxville, Tenn., where an out-of-work truck driver opened fire at a Unitarian church because he believed that liberals were ruining America. He started shooting during a children's performance of Annie (the one about the little orphan, not the other more ironically titled musical about Annie Oakley).

Monday, July 28, 2008

And God said "Ha ha!"

The New York Times didn't print an editorial by John McCain last week, but they did print this....
July 24, 2008
McCain Event Is Thwarted by Hurricane
Senator John McCain had splashy plans on Thursday intended to steal at least a little attention from Senator Barack Obama’s big speech in Berlin: He was to take a helicopter to an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico and meet with Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana, who is being mentioned as a possible Republican vice-presidential pick.

But Hurricane Dolly thwarted Mr. McCain’s plans to raise the issue of offshore oil drilling and the technology that he says has made it safe.

By midday Wednesday, just as blogs were trumpeting Mr. McCain’s coming campaign stop on the rig, the McCain team canceled the trip and postponed the meeting with Mr. Jindal.
The campaign blamed Hurricane Dolly, which had just crossed the Texas coast with winds reported at 100 miles an hour. It did not mention that an oil tanker had just collided with a barge near New Orleans, shutting down 29 miles of the Mississippi River and sending hundreds of thousands of gallons of heavy fuel oil into the water.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Obama Obsession

German Chancellor Angela Merkel on Barack Obama: "I would say that he is well-equipped -- physically, mentally and politically."

So why is Obama getting more media coverage than John McCain? Blame free enterprise and market forces. Put Obama on the cover of a magazine and it will sell. Show Obama addressing a rally of cheering Germans and people will stay tuned. Of course, if the unfair and unbalanced liberal media bias is so pervasive, we could always revive the Fairness Doctrine...

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