Monday, December 27, 2010

2010-Another year of National Doublethink

For the past two years, Tea Partiers have wanted their country and freedoms back. Who is it that took over their country and what freedoms have been lost? Is it freedom of religion and the freedom to prevent Islamic centers from being built? The freedom to only have a "full blooded" American as president? The freedom to protest higher taxes when they haven't actually risen?

Appropriately, Dick Armey, the Tea Party mover and shaker, Washington outsider and former House Majority leader from 1995-2002 has won the National Council of English Teachers' Doublespeak award for his leadership of FreedomWorks. In grand Doublespeak style, Armey objected to wellness programs and anti-smoking efforts in the "socialistic" health care bill, stating

"―If there are no smokers, how are we going to pay for health reform? But then again, if we can pay farmers for not growing tobacco, perhaps we can tax nonsmokers for however much they're not smoking."

An even bigger winner this year was Sarah Palin:

Monday, November 1, 2010

Alternate Scenario Future History

Scenario #1
The 2010 midterm election marked the beginning of the New American Renaissance. After just two years of devastating socialism and fascism, voters were desperate for real change and finally ready to embrace free market principles and end big government oppression. The brilliant Senator Christine O'Donnell and savvy Sharron Angle led the way in the legislative ambush of the Democrat senators, while Representative Michelle Bachmann used her charisma and command of the issues to utterly vanquish the remaining Democrat members in the House. The Constitution was restored and the Obama administration was left reeling from the scores of corruption hearings that had decimated his cabinet.

All this was but a prelude to the 2012 election. The conventional wisdom was that "President" Obama would not seek re-election, but in truth, no other Democrat was willing to run, so George Soros and other elites threatened and cajoled the hapless Kenyan to run once more. Meanwhile Governor Sarah Palin's flawlessly logical and magnificently delivered debate performances in the early primaries led the way for her winning the Republican nomination in early February. Her selection of Alan Keyes as her running mate only increased the media frenzy surrounding her by the fall. The clinically depressed incumbent chief executive, once known for his fiery socialist rhetoric, refused to accept any debate format, relying on internet inneundo and dirty tricks to try and gain four more years of corruption and erosion of freedom. Americans had grown immune to such cynical attacks and lies, so it was no suprise when November ushered in aRepublican landslide of epic proportions. The very day after the elections, now known as "Mama Grizzly Bull" Wednesday, saw a euphoric stock market go wild, accomplishing more in one day than the Kenyan Usurper's nearly 4 years in office could achieve. To the suprise of all, the Palin transition was a peaceful one. Soon she and Congress slashed the Federal Budget and ended invasive government regulation of business. Privte enterprise took over the functions of the now defunct incmpetent big government bureaucracy, ushering in an era of peace, prosperity and strength.
Obama retired to his homeland of Kenya, where he became an Islamic cleric, defeated and addicted to anti-depressants.

Scenario #2
After taking back the House and splitting the Senate, Republicans accomplished very little and wasted valuable time in partisan bickering and inaction. Disiilusioned Tea Partiers gravitated towards the Libertarian party after their candidates proved to be susceptible to the lure of Washington power and privelege, allowing President Obama to narrowly win a second term in 2012.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Mid Term Crisis

Suppose John McCain had won two years ago. Would the economy be any different?

Most Teabaggers believe Obama has raised taxes (I wish he had)but in reality income taxes decreased by up to $400 a year for individuals and $800 for married couples.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

King of the Teabaggers

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. opposed American militarism and called the U.S. "the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today." He was a Democratic Socialist who supported quotas and reparations in pursuit of social and economic justice. He was a major figure in the Civil Rights movement, which was opposed by conservatives like Jerry Falwell, Barry Goldwater, Ronald Reagan and William F. Buckley. Yet if you read the Conservapedia's entry on King, you'll get the impression that Dr. King was a staunch Religious Right Republican.
Now, on the 47th anniversary of Dr. King's Fox personalities Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are going to "reclaim" the civil rights movement for their loyal Fox following, which has an average age of 65 and less than 2% African American viewership. Maybe next year they can stage a "War is Peace" rally at the Viet Nam Veteran's Memorial.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Bible Verse Qu'ran Verses

OOPS! I've gotten my Qu'ran and Torah/Bible verses all mixed up. Can you sort out the inspirational divinely inspired words from the primitive tribal nonsense?

"[T]hey deny the truth when it is declared to them: but they shall learn the consequences of their scorn" (6:5)

"The people of Samaria must bear the consequences of their guilt because they rebelled against their God. They will be killed by an invading army, their little ones dashed to death against the ground, their pregnant women ripped open by swords." (Hosea 13:16)

"Believers, do not make friends with any but your own people. They will spare no pains to corrupt you. They desire nothing but your ruin. Their hatred is evident from what they utter with their mouths, but greater is the hatred which their breasts conceal" (3:118)

If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. (1 Corinthians 11:6)

"[T]hose that disbelieve and deny Our revelations shall become the inmates of Hell" (5:86)

Blessed is the man who takes your babies and smashes them against the rocks

(Psalm 137:9)

"God forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: for God loveth those who are just." (Glorious Quran 60:8)

"Judge not, lest ye be judged." (Matthew 7: 1)

Monday, July 19, 2010

The R Word

Is the Tea Party a racist organization? I say no, just a little unhinged.

A few years ago I received a T shirt as Saturnalia gift. The shirt declared George W. Bush was a fascist and showed him with a scribbled in Chaplin moustauche. I never wore the thing, since I don't believe Bush was as bad as Hitler, just the worst president in my lifetime. Comparing Obama to Hitler is just ignorant, not racist.

I remember all that was said about John Kerry when he ran for president. Kerry, who was wounded three times and carried a fellow soldier to safety in Viet Nam, was branded a coward, traitor, baby killer, and other epithets all during the campaign. The swift boating of John Kerry serves as a baseline for how far Obama's critics can go without being racist.

Does the Tea Party have racist supporters? Absolutely-but so does the Democratic Party or almost any other political party with a majority of white folks. The Tea Party is just better suited to racist beliefs about big government favoring black and brown people over "full blooded Americans," but that doesn't mean a majority of people frightened by massive deficits, bank bail outs, taxation and government influence are being racist.

Friday, July 16, 2010

At least no female priests will ever molest an alter boy
From today's NY Times:

Vatican Revises Abuse Process, but Causes Stir

VATICAN CITY — The Vatican issued revisions to its internal laws on Thursday making it easier to discipline sex-abuser priests, but caused confusion by also stating that ordaining women as priests was as grave an offense as pedophilia...

A UFO was sighted over a Chinese airport, shutting down air traffic. Even the aliens have started outsourcing to Asia.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Make up your mind! Is he a communist, a Muslim, or the antichrist?

This rumour among conspiracy theorists has has been floating around for almost 2 years...

The First Time I Heard Of Barack
By Tom Fife

...One evening, during a trip early in 1992, the American half of our venture were invited to V. & T.’s Moscow flat as we were about to return to the States.

“What if I told you that you will have a black president very soon and he will be a Communist?”

The out-of-the-blue remark was met by our stares. She continued, “Well, you will; and he will be a Communist.”

...This is not some idle talk. He is already born and he is educated and being groomed to be president right now. You will be impressed to know that he has gone to the best schools of Presidents. He is what you call “Ivy League”. You don’t believe me, but he is real and I even know his name. His name is Barack. His mother is white and American and his father is black from Africa. That’s right, a chocolate baby! And he’s going to be your President.”

... It’s all been thought out. His father is not an American black so he won’t have that social slave stigma. He is intelligent and he is half white and has been raised from the cradle to be an atheist and a Communist. He’s gone to the finest schools. He is being guided every step of the way and he will be irresistible to America.”

She rattled off a complete litany. He was from Hawaii. He went to school in California. He lived in Chicago. He was soon to be elected to the legislature. “Have no doubt: he is one of us, a Soviet.”

Sunday, July 11, 2010

First Church of Jesus Christ, Comedian

Another quote from ¡SATIRISTAS! reminded me that the idea that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven is pretty funny. Here's Roseanne Barr on the Son of Man:

...I'm totally into Jesus. I love the whole myth of it. It really is the greatest story ever told. I think we're wired to believe something; some story, myth, whatever.

And that's what being a stand-up comic is to me: a whole mission from God...Jesus would be a stand-up comic today, for sure. He probably wouldn't go to comedy clubs, because he wouldn't be around filth and sin, but he'd probably do it in a park under a tree, for free. He might be homeless too.

And I say he's a girl this time.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


I've been reading an overdue library book called ¡SATIRISTAS! , a collection of interviews and photos of the satirical elite.

Here's a quote from Robin Williams:

Occasionally you'll get the born again Christian who'll come at you hard. The Christian Reich-sorry, "Right." And you think, "When the Rapture comes and all you guys leave...the place will be so much quieter."

The idea that in the Rapture they'll go to the front of the line and go to heaven? Muslims have the same thing about them going to the front of the line, orthodox Jews have their own thing about that, and you know... Hmmm.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

The World is Ending Again

I've been digging through boxes of articles I've saved over the years and found the March 12, 1995 Sunday section of the San Francisco Chronicle. The first headline reads "THE MAN WHO PROPHESIED THE END OF THE WORLD." The man happens to be radio evangelist Harold Camping, who disappointed many of his followers when the world didn't end in the Fall of 1994.

Camping is still around and reassuring believers that the Mayan Calendar predicting the end of the world in 2012 is a lot of nonsense. The media knows the world will end in 2011.

Beneath the Camping story reads the headline "A Call to Arms...Throughout the state, angry citizens are forming combat-ready militias to protect themselves against a government they believe wants to take their guns and tell them how to live."
I wonder what happened to all those anti-government types?

Candidate Obama predicts the rise of Birthers and Teabaggers

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

How much will tuition cost in the Afterlife?

It's been half a year since the Rev. Roberts passed over to the other side...

Oral Roberts Tells Conference He Has Raised People From the Dead


Published: June 27, 1987

TULSA, Okla., June 26 1987—

...''All of us in the ministry could talk about that, of certain dead ones raised, died right while I was preaching,'' Mr. Roberts told more than 5,000 people Thursday at the closing of the Charismatic Bible Ministries conference.

''I had to stop and go back in the crowd and raise the dead person so I could go ahead with the service,'' Mr. Roberts said. He also said God had told him he would ''be coming back,'' and he ''got this picture that I would be coming to Tulsa.'' 'I'm Going to Rule'

''I'm looking to the world to come because I'm not going to stay over there,'' Mr. Roberts said. ''I'm coming back. And I'm going to help bring that world to come with me and put it right on top of this world right here that's been persecuting me. And I'm going to get my rightful place. I'm going to rule and I'm going to reign. You look at Oral Roberts University, what happens to it when I get back from the other side.''

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Another whining kid

I happened to be at our neighbor's first communion. Following the service, I saw the 2nd grader looking cross and deep in conversation with the priest. I overheard the Father explaining "Well, it's not the greatest tasting stuff in the have to sip it."

Monday, March 29, 2010

I just finished filling out my census form. I've read friends posts on Facebook about how the modern census is unconstitutional and an invasion of privacy, but I'm not worried. While certain right wingers rail against the census, they were all for the Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act of 2001 (Public Law Pub.L. 107-56) which is potentially far more intrusive than the Constitutionally mandated census. Oddly enough, the patriotic full blooded American Tea baggers wary of the big government intrusion on their privacy share the fears of some American Muslims and Mexican Americans who see the Census as a tool for the government to persecute them.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Med Menace

Now that something resembling medical reform has passed, I hope our friends on the far right will at least appreciate that an "unborn child," or fetus to use liberal language, can no longer be considered just a "pre-existing condition."

Sunday, March 21, 2010

False Witness

Michele Bachmann: I am abhorred that Pro-life democrats are asked to vote on a pro-abortion mandate this Sunday, the Sabbath. This is the Easter season for Christians, a period of time called lent. Speaker Pelosi is demanding pro-life Democrats profane the Sabbath with a vote that will force all Americans to pay for other people’s abortions. This is a first in American history and a new low for Speaker Pelosi and President Obama.

CNN Factcheck:Fact Check: Does the Senate bill allow for taxpayer funding of abortions?
– The Senate bill bans taxpayer subsidies from directly paying for abortions. The bill requires that individuals buying health insurance plans with federal subsidies pay for any abortion coverage out of their own pockets with a separate check. Additionally, states are allowed to choose whether they will ban abortion coverage in health insurance exchange plans, which they can do now.

Those Liberals Have No Family Values

Luke 14:26 (King James Version) If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple

Matthew 10:34-37 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword

For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me

Matthew 19:29 And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

As far as I know, there aren't any bible quotes about calling security

Proverbs 14:21 He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.
I stopped at Sam's Club on the way home from work Friday and bought a lot of extra large packages and a roast chicken for dinner. Everything at Sam's Club is supersized-even the rotisserie chickens look like they've had some sort of breast augmentation.
I was parked at the edge of the lot and loading an extra large bag of toilet paper in my trunk when someone ran over to my cart and grabbed the box of fried rice sticking out of the side. "Yes," he said.
He was dressed in a faded jacket and had long black greasy hair. I looked at him and said "No" while trying to figure out what the symbols were tattooed above his lip. I also thought about the possibility of there being germs on the box of rice now that he had touched it.
He looked directly into my eyes for a moment, then repeated "no?" He began to walk away, but then I felt bad and offered him the chicken. I rather patronizingly told him that it was very greasy and he would need napkins. He didn't seem to understand. He walked down the hill from the parking lot and huddled behind a cluster of bushes. As I loaded the rest of the packages, I tried to see what he was doing, but could only see his back. As I drove away, I saw him running toward another customer at the edge of the parking lot, trying get another hand out.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

R.I.P. Writer in the Window

I just saw that Georgelle Hirliman passed away earlier this year. Check out:


from Dear Writer in the Window: The Wit and Wisom of a Sidewalk Sage (1992), p.12

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Fear itself

A couple years ago I watched a video commentary by Penn Gillette. He characterized Republicans as being motivated by FEAR and Democrats motivated by HATE-mostly directed at then President Bush. If he had said frustration instead of hate, I would have agreed with him.

Ideology and religion reflect our best and worst emotions. They can enable our prejudices by portraying those who are different as sinners or communists or ignorant. When our ideological or religious beliefs are seriously challenged, a flash of anger or hatred is quite understandable.

When Penn made his comments, a lot of non-Republican conservatives and libertarians were angry about big government getting even bigger and more obtrusive. Some conservatives were even outraged by two wars and the corporate welfare accompanying them.

I understand the Right's fear and anger at President Obama's economic stimulis programs, however the emotions I see and hear coming out of the Teabagger movement seems to be motivated by more than fiscal conservativism.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Rip Howard Zinn

It's not right to respond to terrorism by terrorizing other people. And furthermore, it's not going to help. Then you might say, "Yes, it's terrorizing people, but it's worth doing because it will end terrorism." But how much common sense does it take to know that you cannot end terrorism by indiscriminately dropping bombs?

HOWARD ZINN, Terrorism and War

Terrorism has replaced Communism as the rationale for the militarization of the country [America], for military adventures abroad, and for the suppression of civil liberties at home. It serves the same purpose, serving to create hysteria.

HOWARD ZINN, Terrorism and War

Monday, January 25, 2010

Hypocrite in Chief

Here's an effective campaign ad from 1968.

Buzzflash has the story of how candidate Nixon was really trying to prolong the war while campaigning against it:

Monday, January 18, 2010

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Impotent Research

Researchers have given up looking for the elusive Gräfenberg Spot, says sexologist Beverley Whipple. Read all about it here. Now we have anti-climax research in addition to the anti-climactic research led by coal companies here.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Another year in review

Depending on your point of view, the past year saw the U.S. moved much closer to a fascist totalitarian state run by a foreign born Islamic communist (and he's black!) or is going in the same direction as 2008, only more moderately.

A few days after Valentines Day, President Obama sent an additional 17,000 troops to Afghanistan. Then in October he won the Nobel Peace Prize and the U.S. bombed the moon. "Conservatives" like Dick Cheney and Glen Beck were outraged that he was "dithering" in sending even more troops to Afghanistan.

China created a small black hole that did not swallow the Earth. Popular Science commented "Just because most black holes are solar-system-sized maelstroms with reality-warping gravitational pulls doesn't mean you can't have one in your pocket!"
Physicists said that the aural jitters picked up by a German gravitational-wave detector may indicate that we all live in a giant and blurry cosmic hologram.
Glenn Beck won the National Counsel of Teacher's of English Doublespeak Award

Beck beat out Sarah Palin, Rod Blagojevich, and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The NCTE awarded him the prize "for always doing his best for the rest of us, for comparing health care for children and caps on executive salaries with fascism and the Nazis’ final solution..."

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