Monday, July 26, 2010

Bible Verse Qu'ran Verses

OOPS! I've gotten my Qu'ran and Torah/Bible verses all mixed up. Can you sort out the inspirational divinely inspired words from the primitive tribal nonsense?

"[T]hey deny the truth when it is declared to them: but they shall learn the consequences of their scorn" (6:5)

"The people of Samaria must bear the consequences of their guilt because they rebelled against their God. They will be killed by an invading army, their little ones dashed to death against the ground, their pregnant women ripped open by swords." (Hosea 13:16)

"Believers, do not make friends with any but your own people. They will spare no pains to corrupt you. They desire nothing but your ruin. Their hatred is evident from what they utter with their mouths, but greater is the hatred which their breasts conceal" (3:118)

If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. (1 Corinthians 11:6)

"[T]hose that disbelieve and deny Our revelations shall become the inmates of Hell" (5:86)

Blessed is the man who takes your babies and smashes them against the rocks

(Psalm 137:9)

"God forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: for God loveth those who are just." (Glorious Quran 60:8)

"Judge not, lest ye be judged." (Matthew 7: 1)

Monday, July 19, 2010

The R Word

Is the Tea Party a racist organization? I say no, just a little unhinged.

A few years ago I received a T shirt as Saturnalia gift. The shirt declared George W. Bush was a fascist and showed him with a scribbled in Chaplin moustauche. I never wore the thing, since I don't believe Bush was as bad as Hitler, just the worst president in my lifetime. Comparing Obama to Hitler is just ignorant, not racist.

I remember all that was said about John Kerry when he ran for president. Kerry, who was wounded three times and carried a fellow soldier to safety in Viet Nam, was branded a coward, traitor, baby killer, and other epithets all during the campaign. The swift boating of John Kerry serves as a baseline for how far Obama's critics can go without being racist.

Does the Tea Party have racist supporters? Absolutely-but so does the Democratic Party or almost any other political party with a majority of white folks. The Tea Party is just better suited to racist beliefs about big government favoring black and brown people over "full blooded Americans," but that doesn't mean a majority of people frightened by massive deficits, bank bail outs, taxation and government influence are being racist.

Friday, July 16, 2010

At least no female priests will ever molest an alter boy
From today's NY Times:

Vatican Revises Abuse Process, but Causes Stir

VATICAN CITY — The Vatican issued revisions to its internal laws on Thursday making it easier to discipline sex-abuser priests, but caused confusion by also stating that ordaining women as priests was as grave an offense as pedophilia...

A UFO was sighted over a Chinese airport, shutting down air traffic. Even the aliens have started outsourcing to Asia.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Make up your mind! Is he a communist, a Muslim, or the antichrist?

This rumour among conspiracy theorists has has been floating around for almost 2 years...

The First Time I Heard Of Barack
By Tom Fife

...One evening, during a trip early in 1992, the American half of our venture were invited to V. & T.’s Moscow flat as we were about to return to the States.

“What if I told you that you will have a black president very soon and he will be a Communist?”

The out-of-the-blue remark was met by our stares. She continued, “Well, you will; and he will be a Communist.”

...This is not some idle talk. He is already born and he is educated and being groomed to be president right now. You will be impressed to know that he has gone to the best schools of Presidents. He is what you call “Ivy League”. You don’t believe me, but he is real and I even know his name. His name is Barack. His mother is white and American and his father is black from Africa. That’s right, a chocolate baby! And he’s going to be your President.”

... It’s all been thought out. His father is not an American black so he won’t have that social slave stigma. He is intelligent and he is half white and has been raised from the cradle to be an atheist and a Communist. He’s gone to the finest schools. He is being guided every step of the way and he will be irresistible to America.”

She rattled off a complete litany. He was from Hawaii. He went to school in California. He lived in Chicago. He was soon to be elected to the legislature. “Have no doubt: he is one of us, a Soviet.”

Sunday, July 11, 2010

First Church of Jesus Christ, Comedian

Another quote from ¡SATIRISTAS! reminded me that the idea that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter heaven is pretty funny. Here's Roseanne Barr on the Son of Man:

...I'm totally into Jesus. I love the whole myth of it. It really is the greatest story ever told. I think we're wired to believe something; some story, myth, whatever.

And that's what being a stand-up comic is to me: a whole mission from God...Jesus would be a stand-up comic today, for sure. He probably wouldn't go to comedy clubs, because he wouldn't be around filth and sin, but he'd probably do it in a park under a tree, for free. He might be homeless too.

And I say he's a girl this time.

Saturday, July 10, 2010


I've been reading an overdue library book called ¡SATIRISTAS! , a collection of interviews and photos of the satirical elite.

Here's a quote from Robin Williams:

Occasionally you'll get the born again Christian who'll come at you hard. The Christian Reich-sorry, "Right." And you think, "When the Rapture comes and all you guys leave...the place will be so much quieter."

The idea that in the Rapture they'll go to the front of the line and go to heaven? Muslims have the same thing about them going to the front of the line, orthodox Jews have their own thing about that, and you know... Hmmm.