Sunday, December 14, 2008

Your Liberal Marching Orders for the WAR ON CHRISTMAS

Four years ago I would listen to Morning Sedition on the way to work. Occasionally co-host Marc Maron would sign off by reading a fax sent from the Streisand compound with the day's Liberal Agenda. I've revised a few of his old items so that they fit the needs of today's modern socialist/Democrat.
1. Repeatedly refer to Christmas as "Revive Our Floundering Economy Day."
2. Have hot and nasty age appropriate consensual gay-lesbian-bisexual-transgender physical expressions of unconditional positive regard under the mistletoe.
3. Establish full diplomatic relations with the Island of Misfit Toys without any pre-conditions.
4. At the office Christmas/Hannukah/Solstice/Ramadan/Indigenous People's Day party, prevent drunken co-workers from hooking up by continually talking about global warming and the plight of the people in Zimbabwe.
5. Watch It's A Wonderful Life and imagine what the world would be like if George W. Bush had never been elected president. Wait a minute...I mean if all the votes in Florida and Ohio had been counted.
6. Adjust the lights on your neighbors' Christmas displays to read YES WE CAN and CHANGE YOU CAN BELIEVE IN!
7. Make sure that the Baby Jesuses in your local Nativity displays are infants of color.
8. Tell your kids that Obama is their Christmas present.
9. Today's phrase....just drop it in any conversation...."You know what the special ingredient is in egg nog? IT'S MAD COW!!! LOOK IT UP PEOPLE!!! IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP MAN!!!"

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