Monday, January 24, 2011

Good News for Outer Space

On the planet Selsisogt, the prophet Plogvt of the thick slime clan received divine revelations from the archangel Ysplfsk. Plogvt admonished the dominant slug species for their lack of charity towards their fellow mollusc races. After several generations, Plogvtianity had become accepted all over Selsisogt. Since all the mollusks of Selsisogt were hermaphrodites, laid eggs and could change sexual roles, there were no moral imperatives about adultery or honoring parents. The orbit of Selsisogt was considerably different than Earth's, so there was no special day belonging to the Lord. There were no commandments regarding false worship or taking the Lord's name in vain, since there were no other teachings or religious beliefs on Selsisogt. The sentient slugs of Selsisogt were simply commanded to not steal, lie, murder, or eat their neighbors. There were also some laws regarding mucous and the consumption of certain kinds of fungus, but they aren't comprehensible by humans. Missionaries from the Intergalactic Church of Christ contacted the Thick Slime Clan through holographic telepathy. The Church Council reviewed the chief tenants of Plogvtianity and were uncertain as to whether Plogvt had been a true prophet, or was a follower of Satan and presenting false teaching. The Intergalactic Church of Christ maintained that the only way to God was through Jesus Christ, and there was no record of anyone resembling Jesus or Mary in the holiest of archives on Selsisogt.

On the planet F'r'z, the dominant marine mammals sing songs of praise to the First Swimmer. They are peaceful creatures with no rivals or predators. They are long lived and reproduce seldomly. They live by the motto Do justice, love mercy, glide humbly with the Great Swimmer Beyond the Sky, but have no other religious doctrine. They marine mammals have no crime to speak of, and are widely considered to be the friendliest species in the known universe. The Church Council ruled that since man was made in God's image, it was obvious that "the Great Swimmer" was primitive nonsense. The swimmers of F'r'z would burn in Hell.

The Intergalactic Church of Christ had now reviewed over a dozen such rellgions belonging to all manner of creatures. It was tragic, but no other planet had sentient beings who knew Jesus. Perhaps it was the grand design for Christians to spread the message of Jesus throughout the universe, just as it had done to the primitive peoples on Earth.

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