Saturday, July 18, 2009

Biblical Humor

I've got a twisted sense of humor. Normally the bible isn't the best place to look for jokes, but there are a few.

In Exodus 33:23, God tells Moses, "And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen." Some scholars argue that God wasn't mooning Moses, but that's the way I see it.

Most public speakers like to have at least one laugh line. Jesus must have received a few chuckles with this bit: "And again I say to you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." (Matthew 19: 24)
Then there's the old paradox (it was even old in the year 90 A.D.) in Titus 1:12-13 “One of themselves, even a prophet of their own, said, The Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, slow bellies. This witness is true."

One of the more twisted and shockingly funny stories in the Bible can be found in Genesis 34. Dinah the daughter of Jacob and his concubine, was defiled by Prince Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite. After raping the unfortunate girl, Shechem had a change of heart. His "soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel."
So King Hamor and Shechem went to Dinah's family and asked that a marriage be arranged, and offered Jacob and his family wealth and citizenship.
Dinah's brothers said We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us: But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised; Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.
So Hamor and Shechem returned to their city and somehow convinced every male there to be circumcised.
And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males. 26 And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out. The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister. They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which was in the city, and that which was in the field, And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that was in the house. And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I being few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house. And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?

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