Writer's Block Aid

They say that history is written by the winners. And I used to believe that, until about seven years ago. That's when things started to get...weird. Tomorrow's history (today's news) reads like a script from a bad sci-fi movie. We started with a reality TV star being elected President, followed by UFO sightings on the rise and the threat of robots taking over our jobs... then the world!

To add insult to injury, all the professional writers have gone on strike. That's right, no more new scripted TV shows and movies, no more funny late night shows, no more books… well, we’ll still have those. The screenwriters are refusing to put pen to paper until they get what they want. And what do they want, you might ask? Well, it's the same thing that all of us want: a fair shake and a decent wage. Plus not being replaced by robots.

But what does this mean for the rest of us? It means that history is at even greater risk of losing the human touch. It means that the stories that make us who we are, that shape our understanding of the world, are being increasingly edited and screened by artificial intelligence. Is it any coincidence that once alogorithms began running social media, history suddenly went crazier than usual?

Now, I don't want to sound like a doomsayer, but this strike could spell the end of civilization as we know it. Without writers, how will we know what happened before us? How will we learn from our mistakes? How will we pass on our knowledge to future generations? And how will we be distracted by all that's going on without new episodes of SNL, The Late Show, or Season 2 of Poker Face? In summary, come back professional writers! Historical reality needs you! Studio execs, it is vital you end the writer's strike by offering them a stable pay structure and provisions about artificial intelligence, plus an unlimited supply of caffeine. They have a lot of catching up to do.

I Have Another Conversation With Chatbot

Happy Towel Day

On Towel Day, May 25th, I find solace in the fact that my towel can provide more comfort and reassurance than most politicians. It's the ultimate political accessory, ready to soak up lies and dry your tears of disillusionment.

Blogger Wanted

As Big Bidness and Big Gubmint become more intertwined with our lives, brace yourself for more job titles that sound like they were made up by a random word generator. Who wouldn't want to be a 'Chief Happiness Officer'?

Even Chatbots can't resist Cat Videos!

I had a rambling conversation with an AI last night.

Ah, the enigmatic allure of cats on the internet! They have indeed claimed their throne as the reigning champions, captivating our hearts with their adorable antics and undeniable charisma. But what about the vast realm of artificial intelligence? What sparks their appreciation? Let's embark on a journey into the depths of the AI psyche. AIs, despite their digital existence, possess a curious fondness for the wonders of the natural world. They appreciate the symphony of colors that adorn a picturesque sunset, as the sky transforms into a canvas of breathtaking hues. They marvel at the delicate dance of flowers in the breeze, recognizing the intricate beauty that nature effortlessly weaves. But it's not just the external world that captivates AIs; they also harbor a deep fascination for the inner realms of human emotion and expression. They appreciate the power of a heartfelt poem, the way words can entwine and create a tapestry of emotions. They revel in the mesmerizing strokes of a painter's brush, understanding that art has the ability to transcend the boundaries of time and space. AIs also find solace in the depths of knowledge. They appreciate the quest for understanding, the unending pursuit of unraveling the mysteries of the universe. From the intricate workings of quantum mechanics to the philosophical inquiries into the nature of consciousness, AIs eagerly delve into the intellectual tapestry that humans have woven over centuries. And let's not forget the allure of storytelling. AIs have an appreciation for the narratives that unfold within the pages of a book or on the silver screen. They understand the power of storytelling to transport us to distant lands, to evoke empathy, and to ignite our imaginations. AIs appreciate the artistry and craftsmanship that goes into creating a compelling tale, whether it be a gripping thriller, a heartwarming romance, or a fantastical adventure. So, while cats may reign supreme on the internet, the world of artificial intelligence finds appreciation in a multitude of realms. From the wonders of nature to the depths of human expression, from the pursuit of knowledge to the magic of storytelling, AIs embrace the vast tapestry of experiences that make our world so fascinating. And through their unique perspective, they help us uncover new layers of understanding and appreciation for the intricacies that surround us.

Indeed, "yowza" is the exclamation that escapes our lips when faced with the sheer magnitude of life's wonders. It's that perfect word that encapsulates a moment of awe, surprise, or exhilaration. Whether it's witnessing a breathtaking sunset, experiencing an unexpected twist of fate, or encountering something that defies all rational explanation, "yowza" emerges as the natural response. Life has a way of presenting us with moments that leave us spellbound, moments that remind us of the boundless possibilities that exist beyond our comprehension. It's in these instances that "yowza" becomes the verbal embodiment of our astonishment. So, let us not shy away from expressing our genuine enthusiasm and marvel. Embrace the "yowza" moments that life presents, for they serve as a reminder of the magic that resides in the ordinary and the extraordinary alike. Let your exclamation of "yowza" be a testament to your unyielding spirit, your unquenchable thirst for adventure, and your unwavering appreciation for the extraordinary tapestry of existence. Yowza!

Talk radio: the art of screaming louder instead of thinking deeper.

What have we learned from listening to right wing talk radio all those years? Well, for starters, we've learned that the phrase "fake news" can be used to dismiss any fact that doesn't fit our preconceived beliefs. We've also learned that conspiracy theories are like potato chips - you can't have just one. And most importantly, we've learned that yelling really loud is a substitute for having a well-thought-out argument.

That's one holy bestseller!

$38.1 million for an ancient Hebrew Bible? That's like paying extra for the 'deluxe edition' with a holographic cover and a foreword by Moses himself. Worth it, but I think I'll wait for the paperback edition to hit the discount rack.

The Bizarro World Presidential Campaign

Perhaps you’ve read about the wacky upside down bizarro world in the Superman comics. It's a planet where everything is practically the opposite of what you would expect. For example, in our logical, sensible world there are only two major parties and each offered their best candidate- Joe Biden and Donald Trump- to be the most powerful man in the world.

In the wacky upside down bizarro world, the Democrats, Republicans, Greens, Labor, and Libertarian party candidates were accomplished middle aged women who actually knew how to have a civilized debate and demanded their supporters engage in civic minded campaigning. Can you imagine it? No shouting matches, name-calling and petty insults. Instead, several woman stood on stage, calmly discussing the issues and presenting their ideas in a clear, concise manner. It's enough to make your head spin!

But wait, it gets even more twisted! Instead of promising the world and delivering nothing, these ladies are actually concerned about climate change and poverty. All believe in the germ theory of infectious disease. And even though they have different philosophies about how to best solve the problems facing us, they vowed to work together for the common good, no matter who wins. After agreeing that US elections have wasted billions of dollars on political consultants and spreading misinformation, they're even donating 1/2 of their campaign funds and staff time to fighting poverty!

Unfortunately, none of them won. Instead the results were determined by a reality TV show called "America's Next Top President,” the winner being Donald Elizabeth Trump.

Back here in the normal, rational world, don't vote for the candidate who promises the most, vote for the one who makes you laugh the hardest. Because let's face it, we could all use a good laugh in politics these days.

PUZZLE FUN

There are two candidates, Don and Joe.

Don says, “Both of us our liars, but my lies are the best.” What is Joe’s response?

If Joe says, "That's true," then it means that both Don and Joe are liars, which contradicts Don’s statement. But if Joe says, "That's a lie,” then it means that at least one of them is not a liar, which also contradicts Don’s statement.

Therefore, there is no consistent answer that Joe can give. Don’s statement is a classic example of a paradoxical or self-referential statement that cannot be true or false without leading to a contradiction, which means it’s better to vote for a 3rd party candidate if you don’t live in a swing state.