I Have A Scheme

Back when we had our TV upstairs and could actually receive a broadcast signal, my kids saw ads for My Gold Envelope and some sort of device to flatten one's abs. The ads were shown between cartoons and made a big impression on my offspring. For the next few days they reminded me that I could burn off my belly fat, and that simply filling an envelope with my wife's and Oma's gold jewelry would provide the necessary funds to take them to Chuck E. Cheese's and Gamestop. My kids were disappointed to find out that I had no gold, except for the magic ring on my finger that makes me Mommy's property.

So why doesn't the US start unloading some of its gold? Internet conspiracy theories aside, gold stacked up at Fort Knox isn't doing any good.  I say unload the stuff, and if the price of gold falls significantly, buy some of it back.