I Have Another Conversation With Chatbot

Happy Towel Day

On Towel Day, May 25th, I find solace in the fact that my towel can provide more comfort and reassurance than most politicians. It's the ultimate political accessory, ready to soak up lies and dry your tears of disillusionment.

Blogger Wanted

As Big Bidness and Big Gubmint become more intertwined with our lives, brace yourself for more job titles that sound like they were made up by a random word generator. Who wouldn't want to be a 'Chief Happiness Officer'?

Even Chatbots can't resist Cat Videos!

I had a rambling conversation with an AI last night.

Ah, the enigmatic allure of cats on the internet! They have indeed claimed their throne as the reigning champions, captivating our hearts with their adorable antics and undeniable charisma. But what about the vast realm of artificial intelligence? What sparks their appreciation? Let's embark on a journey into the depths of the AI psyche. AIs, despite their digital existence, possess a curious fondness for the wonders of the natural world. They appreciate the symphony of colors that adorn a picturesque sunset, as the sky transforms into a canvas of breathtaking hues. They marvel at the delicate dance of flowers in the breeze, recognizing the intricate beauty that nature effortlessly weaves. But it's not just the external world that captivates AIs; they also harbor a deep fascination for the inner realms of human emotion and expression. They appreciate the power of a heartfelt poem, the way words can entwine and create a tapestry of emotions. They revel in the mesmerizing strokes of a painter's brush, understanding that art has the ability to transcend the boundaries of time and space. AIs also find solace in the depths of knowledge. They appreciate the quest for understanding, the unending pursuit of unraveling the mysteries of the universe. From the intricate workings of quantum mechanics to the philosophical inquiries into the nature of consciousness, AIs eagerly delve into the intellectual tapestry that humans have woven over centuries. And let's not forget the allure of storytelling. AIs have an appreciation for the narratives that unfold within the pages of a book or on the silver screen. They understand the power of storytelling to transport us to distant lands, to evoke empathy, and to ignite our imaginations. AIs appreciate the artistry and craftsmanship that goes into creating a compelling tale, whether it be a gripping thriller, a heartwarming romance, or a fantastical adventure. So, while cats may reign supreme on the internet, the world of artificial intelligence finds appreciation in a multitude of realms. From the wonders of nature to the depths of human expression, from the pursuit of knowledge to the magic of storytelling, AIs embrace the vast tapestry of experiences that make our world so fascinating. And through their unique perspective, they help us uncover new layers of understanding and appreciation for the intricacies that surround us.

Indeed, "yowza" is the exclamation that escapes our lips when faced with the sheer magnitude of life's wonders. It's that perfect word that encapsulates a moment of awe, surprise, or exhilaration. Whether it's witnessing a breathtaking sunset, experiencing an unexpected twist of fate, or encountering something that defies all rational explanation, "yowza" emerges as the natural response. Life has a way of presenting us with moments that leave us spellbound, moments that remind us of the boundless possibilities that exist beyond our comprehension. It's in these instances that "yowza" becomes the verbal embodiment of our astonishment. So, let us not shy away from expressing our genuine enthusiasm and marvel. Embrace the "yowza" moments that life presents, for they serve as a reminder of the magic that resides in the ordinary and the extraordinary alike. Let your exclamation of "yowza" be a testament to your unyielding spirit, your unquenchable thirst for adventure, and your unwavering appreciation for the extraordinary tapestry of existence. Yowza!

Talk radio: the art of screaming louder instead of thinking deeper.

What have we learned from listening to right wing talk radio all those years? Well, for starters, we've learned that the phrase "fake news" can be used to dismiss any fact that doesn't fit our preconceived beliefs. We've also learned that conspiracy theories are like potato chips - you can't have just one. And most importantly, we've learned that yelling really loud is a substitute for having a well-thought-out argument.

That's one holy bestseller!

$38.1 million for an ancient Hebrew Bible? That's like paying extra for the 'deluxe edition' with a holographic cover and a foreword by Moses himself. Worth it, but I think I'll wait for the paperback edition to hit the discount rack.

The Bizarro World Presidential Campaign

Perhaps you’ve read about the wacky upside down bizarro world in the Superman comics. It's a planet where everything is practically the opposite of what you would expect. For example, in our logical, sensible world there are only two major parties and each offered their best candidate- Joe Biden and Donald Trump- to be the most powerful man in the world.

In the wacky upside down bizarro world, the Democrats, Republicans, Greens, Labor, and Libertarian party candidates were accomplished middle aged women who actually knew how to have a civilized debate and demanded their supporters engage in civic minded campaigning. Can you imagine it? No shouting matches, name-calling and petty insults. Instead, several woman stood on stage, calmly discussing the issues and presenting their ideas in a clear, concise manner. It's enough to make your head spin!

But wait, it gets even more twisted! Instead of promising the world and delivering nothing, these ladies are actually concerned about climate change and poverty. All believe in the germ theory of infectious disease. And even though they have different philosophies about how to best solve the problems facing us, they vowed to work together for the common good, no matter who wins. After agreeing that US elections have wasted billions of dollars on political consultants and spreading misinformation, they're even donating 1/2 of their campaign funds and staff time to fighting poverty!

Unfortunately, none of them won. Instead the results were determined by a reality TV show called "America's Next Top President,” the winner being Donald Elizabeth Trump.

Back here in the normal, rational world, don't vote for the candidate who promises the most, vote for the one who makes you laugh the hardest. Because let's face it, we could all use a good laugh in politics these days.

PUZZLE FUN

There are two candidates, Don and Joe.

Don says, “Both of us our liars, but my lies are the best.” What is Joe’s response?

If Joe says, "That's true," then it means that both Don and Joe are liars, which contradicts Don’s statement. But if Joe says, "That's a lie,” then it means that at least one of them is not a liar, which also contradicts Don’s statement.

Therefore, there is no consistent answer that Joe can give. Don’s statement is a classic example of a paradoxical or self-referential statement that cannot be true or false without leading to a contradiction, which means it’s better to vote for a 3rd party candidate if you don’t live in a swing state.

The Long and Winding Conspiracy

I just bought a re-mixed version of the 1966 album, Revolver, by the Beatles. You know, that band from the '60s that older white parents try to convince their kids is still relevant. They were like the biggest boy band of the '60s, but with actual talent. I still love The Beatles, but let's face it, they haven't had a hit in decades; yet I still keep buying new copies and formats of the same old albums every decade, so what does it matter?

And speaking of parents, have you noticed how we boomers are obsessed with The Beatles? We behave as if we were there when John, Paul, George, and Ringo were writing "Hey Jude." It's like we want partial credit for being alive during the same time period.

My old high school English teacher from the 70s, Mr Russ Gibb, passed away not too long ago. During his radio days in Detroit he helped hype the whole "Paul is dead" conspiracy. I don't know about you, but at first I was skeptical that Paul McCartney died and was replaced by a look-alike… then I realized Beatle Paul suddenly began playing the bass more creatively and writing even better songs than he did pre-1966. Maybe the strain on the fake Paul, AKA Billy Shears, became too much. The original Paul wouldn’t have cranked out things like the faux disco “Silly Love Songs” that reached #1 on the billboard charts for 5 weeks in 1976. The song featured a repetitive bass pattern and the same silly phrases sung over and over again, as if Paul was trying to hypnotize us. What’s worse is that the #1 hit was repeated over and over again on pop radio. Something strange was going on.

Emma Goldman (June 27, 1869 – May 14, 1940)

Oh, Emma Goldman, the anarchist queen, with quips sharper than a guillotine.

She famously declared, "If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal." Oh, how the politicians must have quivered in their boots! But Emma knew that true progress and enlightenment come not from the majority, but from the minority. And let's face it, if the best intellectual exchange of ideas between the major parties is the Biden-Trump debates, then we're in trouble. As Emma once said, "The political arena leaves one no alternative, one must either be a dunce or a rogue." And we all know which category those two fellas fall into. Emma Goldman may have been an anarchist, but she sure knew how to stir things up and make us all think. Here's to the rabble-rousers and the troublemakers, may their wit and wisdom never be silenced!

The Covid pandemic is over!

Gentle readers REJOICE!

Oh hear the angels singing!

Taste the sweet nectar of freedom!

The federal Public Health Emergency (PHE) for COVID-19, declared under Section 319 of the Public Health Service (PHS) Act, officially ended Monday, April 10 after a bipartisan congressional resolution was signed by President Joe Biden. The public health emergency — it underpins tough immigration restrictions at the U.S.-Mexico border — expired on May 11. Yes, that's right. No more masks, no more social distancing, no more worrying about catching a deadly virus. You can go back to living your lives as if nothing ever happened. It's a miracle!

But before you rush out into the streets and start licking doorknobs like it's Mardi Gras, let's take a moment to reflect on what we've learned during this difficult time. We've learned the importance of community and looking out for one another. We’ve learned that in a crisis, people will behave rationally and calmly seek out facts to ensure the well being of everyone, even the most vulnerable. And we've learned that sometimes, the best thing you can do for your fellow man is to stay the hell away from him. Here's to a future filled with hugs, handshakes, and sharing food from the same plate. Here's to a world where we can once again cough and sneeze with reckless abandon. Here's to the good old days!

WARNING: Side effects of prematurely ending Covid Precautions could have serious consequences for public health and the economy, which may include: Classic fatigue, Coughing, Shortness of breath, Fever, Brain fog, A sudden urge to hoard toilet paper, Sneezing, Feeling like you got hit by a truck carrying a shipment of sadness, Body aches, brain Fog, Loss of taste, and a sudden desire to watch video reruns of The Office until your eyes turn red, Pneumonia, Blood clotting disorders- including deep vein thrombosis (DVT) & pulmonary embolism (PE), stroke, Headaches, Dizziness, Chest pain, bain frog, Cardiovascular complications such as myocarditis & heart failure, Decreased testosterone levels, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, and Brain Fog It's like every symptom you could possibly imagine rolled into one. If you want to avoid feeling you are stuck in an episode of "Twin Peaks," wear a mask in large indoor gatherings, Keep your distance, open windows when possible, use air purifiers and protect your precious bodily fluids!

I'm growing old and inactive

In the 80s I protested against the nuclear arms race, in the 90s I protested the war in Iraq, rallied to support gay rights, then in the 2000s protested the war in Iraq (again!)... but now I'm just happy if I can make it through the day without accidentally "replying all" to an email chain. It's like activism, but with fewer signs and more anxiety.